you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
