I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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