Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
