she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
