Screwed.edu
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
