I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
high people should be assigned attendants
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my being single is dangerous.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
