next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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