the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
