dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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