My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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