Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
