I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
