I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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