I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
