The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a search helicopter?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Watching her eat just hurts me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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