I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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