Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How does one acquire holy water?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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