i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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