the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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