Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize