i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
