3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
