my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
