I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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