If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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