I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
