I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
