If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
