your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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