I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
