I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
