My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
