i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
