every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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