I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
