I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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