Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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