Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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