I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
