hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Of course I have a pirate flag
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
