i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
