where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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