420 ftw
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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