Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
