From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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