Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
