I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
