sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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