Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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