My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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