He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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