So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
