i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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