A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
