I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They took my balls.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
