so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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