dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
