i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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