Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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