Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
