Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
