I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
