I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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