yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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