Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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