because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
