yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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