went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
