Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
