last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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