I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
