saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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