On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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