I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just blew my weed a kiss
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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