Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
