He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
we should paint friendship bongs
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