I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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